I’m not talking about a military conflict, but a conflict in our homes.  The world bombards the Christian marriage’s positions daily with assaults on the truth.  Virtually every media outlet paints and promotes a picture that defies the picture scripture gives us of the family model.  Gender differences and roles and are not only laughed at, but attacked by legislation.  The biblical relationship between a man and woman in marriage may soon be more than just an anachronism, it could conceivably be illegal to promote.

So, what about your marriage?  Are you modeling your relationship after the word of God?  Are you seeking the model found in scripture, and living out biblical principles as a couple?  Or do you find yourself giving in to the propaganda, and even agreeing with the enemy?

Check the color of your flag.  Is it the white flag of truce?  Are you willing to parlay with the world, negotiating to find a position of compromise?  Surrender is not the option.  As a matter of fact, if we give in to the world’s picture of marriage, we are acquiescing to a defeated foe.  Remember I John 4:4 when you find yourself in the heat of battle.  You ARE an overcomer, for greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world!  Bear the standard!  Unfurl the bloodstained banner of the Kingdom!  Fight from an assurance of victory, not the hopelessness of the enemy’s lies!

All of my grandparents came from large families, so on both sides of my family we had huge reunions.  But when I was young, couldn’t quite figure out why so many of my relatives attended all of the reunions, no matter whose family reunion it was.  But I eventually understood that, with such large families, and in the rural setting of that agricultural area, many of the marriages were made across the lines of these same families.  So I had uncles and aunts, aunts and uncles who were in-laws of each other.
And I had “double cousins”, once, twice, and thrice removed!

Times have changed, and families are so transient and movable that those kinds of ties are virtually gone.  But you do need to remember that, if your spouse is a believer, you are related to them in more than one way.  Each one who has come to know Christ is a child of God, and adopted heir along with Jesus.  You have a responsibility to them, not just as a husband or wife, but also as a brother or sister in Christ.  You are blood family, but also each of the same royal lineage.

So the next time you have an urge to criticize, seek vengeance, or belittle your spouse, remember whom you are talking to.  You are talking to one of God’s children, the apple of his eye, and a fellow heir of the Kingdom of God!  It could, and should, affect the tone of voice with which you speak to them, and the care with which you treat them.

So many feel trapped in marriage because they have unrealistic expectations.  They expected that their beloved would satisfy them, and set them free to soar through life.  Herein lies the very reason many feel captive; they expect something that no human alive can supply.

It is Christ who sets us free.  To find freedom and fulfillment in any other source is guaranteed to end in disappointment. And disillusionment.  Jesus, however, speaks of being “free indeed”! In other words, “ultimate fulfillment” comes from the Son.  And, wonder of wonders, when Christ becomes the source and center of our lives, we find fulfillment in all of life’s relationships and endeavors!  Everything takes on a new hue, and everything means something.

Being captivated by, and captive to, Christ sets us free to find fulfillment in the most mundane of life’s affairs, and gives meaning in our marriages that goes far beyond our spouse’s ability to bring us wholeness; for wholeness, and freedom, is found in Christ.

Watch that heart of yours.  It has the habit of making you wish for things that don’t exist.  There is in our minds quite often an unrealistic picture of what life should be like.  Looking for the story that has the “happily ever after” ending is almost an obsession with us.  In fact, looking for that happy ending quite often guarantees that we will do no such thing.

Keeping our heart with diligence should involve giving our spouse every chance to be the fair maiden or prince charming of our own personal tale.  We must guard against allowing our hearts to drift to the fairy tale syndrome.  Here is the fairy tale syndrome we are often afflicted with.  The secretary at the office and the handsome new boss are seen in the best light every day, although they are normal people.  They laugh at our jokes to be polite.  They wear their nicest clothes, pop breath mints, fix their “pillow hair” before coming to work, and never roll there eyes at our failings.  They are flattered by our compliments, and compliment us in return.  And, lo and behold, in treating them as the answer to our longings, they become exactly that.  But the truth is, it’s just a fairy tale.  Reality awaits simply the turning of the next page in the book.

There is no such thing as a fairy tale story.  And for that I am glad.  The reason I am glad is because I know that I’m no prince charming.  My only chance at “fair lady” is if she sees me for who I really am, and chooses to love me anyway.  Surprise!  It happened!  I get to live my own REAL tale; a tale with happiness, sorrow, good and bad times; a story that belongs to me, and is not simply made up in my mind.   And when my heart and mind is tempted to make up some foolish tale of lives and relationships that only exist in fairy tale books, I remember the wonder that God has placed someone in my life who is real, who loves me for who I am, in spite of who I am not, and shares real life with me.

Guarding your heart involves regular reality checks.  Don’t fall for the fairy tale syndrome.  Live in the real world, and see through the temptation of believing a “fairy tale” life could exist with someone else.  Make your own love story, and make the most of it, writing every day.  And make it a reality story.  You may just find that you’ll wake up next to your “fairy tale” prince or princess.

This week, the focus is on the man in the marriage.  Our verses of the week, from Joshua chapter one, call Joshua to “man up”, be tough, strong-minded, and not back down from the challenge.  Now you’d think this is right up our alley as men.  We talk big about being all those things.  But the truth is that all we usually do is talk.  Men, in fact, have mostly become sidelines watchers in life, just like we have in sports.  By the time we get into our prime years, we are only vicariously living out our dreams.  And if we ever do think about getting up off the couch and into the action, we find ourselves just like Samson.  Remember the story about his dealings with Delilah?  After cutting his hair, she allowed the Philistines to come upon him.  Well, Samson just thought, “I’ll hop up and take care this in a flash.”  But the Bible tells us that Samson didn’t realize that things had changed, that the Spirit of the Lord had left him.  He couldn’t do as he’d once done.  His dreams had changed.  His focus had changed.  The power was gone.  Welcome to the description of most of us.

Our lives are not too different at times.  We remember when…and think all is well; that if we wanted to, we could do as we have always done.  But things change that go unattended.  We become sedentary in life.  We become mental, emotional, and even spiritual “couch potatoes”, if you will.  And no, you can’t just hop up and shake yourself like before.  Your strength has left you because you did not value it, or give attention to it.

Now let’s talk about your marriage.  Remember the “wow” stage of your relationship to your wife?  Those were the days, weren’t they?  Whatever it took to win her, that’s what you did.  And before you knew what was happening, you were at the “vow” stage.  You stood at the altar, made promises, and, truth be told, you actually intended to keep them.  And for a little while, you did.  But slowly, over time you became a sidelines watcher.  You thought about the value of retaining a good relationship with your wife, but it took work.  The relational “remote” was in your hand, and you just sat on the couch and mailed it in.  This brought you to the “now” stage in which you find yourself.  Your strength to be different, to change, to “man up” is gone.  It’s too much effort.  It’s even a little frightening for us to think about laying out that much energy.  We don’t know if we still have what it takes.

It’s time for us to hear God’s words to Joshua.  He was facing the supreme challenge of his life, and was scared to death.  So God had to grab him by the collar, and wake him up.  “You can do this!  You can be strong!  You CAN have courage.”  Just do it like I tell you, and have told you to do it!  But you can’t back down Joshua.  This is your calling.  I’ll go with you, and be with you, but you have to step up.”

These words belong to you as well.  It may take some discipline you don’t have.  It may take exercising some areas of you life where you’ve gotten flabby.  But your marriage is worth it.  Your family is worth it.  God will be with you.  But let me make it plain.  “You gotta man up!  You gotta get up!  And you gotta build up!  And find strength by looking up!”

“That you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.”
-Ephesians 6:11

There is no end to it.  Everywhere you look, on every side, from every corner of the globe, the assault comes.  No holds are barred; nothing is sacred; nothing is off limits.  Your marriage and family are being bombarded by the lies of Satan.  And lest you think all you have to do is recognize it and resist….well…. in that you are right.  But recognition is the problem, and resistance is easy to say in the calm, spiritual times of life.

But the hard times come when Satan’s lies take the appearance of pragmatic wisdom.  The thoughts come that say, “Maybe we just aren’t compatible.  It would be better if we both moved on with our lives and quit making one another miserable.  We’d both be happier eventually.  Lots of kids seem to do okay with divorced parents.  No one expects us to stick together when we can’t get along.”  Or maybe these are you thoughts.  “He will never understand me!  It’s no use trying.”  Or perhaps, “She’s given me the short shrift for the last time!  I’m outta here!”

If you’ve begun to think those are the thoughts of practical wisdom, then the walls of your heart have been breached, and Satan is ransacking the hidden treasures of the castle of your heart.  Please, hear me, and understand how to withstand the attacks of Satan on your life and marriage!  This weeks passage tells how to fight the battles for our hearts.  We do it with the objective truth of God; we do it with His Word.  We do it with living out our faith actively.  We do it by holding on to our faith, trusting God even when it seems foolish to do so.

The goal is worth the battle.  The goal is to still be standing when every assault of Satan has hit us, when he has done his worst.  To hold on to The truth when all around us seem to be faltering, yea, when all seem even to be calling the truth a lie, is what it means to withstand in the evil day.

It is time.  Today is the evil day.  It is time, now to withstand Satan’s attacks, and still be standing when he has done his worst.  You cannot do it by following your doubts.  You cannot do it by seeking your happiness.  It is by being willing to fight the battle of faith that you will find your self still standing when the evil day has washed over you.  Believe God.  Trust nothing else.  You will stand.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
-Phillipians 4:8

Imagine that you and your family are living on a peninsula at the head of a long wide river.  The community you are a part of is a well-established, peaceful town, where most people know one another, and enjoy a safe environment for loving one another, and raising their families.

But one morning, you awaken to a terrible storm, with winds, slashing rain, and floods that batter your home.  Somehow, the waters break your small peninsula loose, and you begin to drift with the current, spinning down the mighty river on what has now become your island abode.  For days you drift, before finally coming to rest on the shore of a part of the country unknown to you.

Upon your first foray into this new community, you find that the residents speak the same language, and use the same gestures, but nothing has the same meaning that it did in your old land.  Not only that, but you find that this new place is much more tawdry, and its residents have a hard edge to them, with leering eyes, and conniving intentions.  In attempting to communicate, you begin to explain your predicament, and find that, eventually, you begin to understand the different nuances of definitions enough to explain yourself.  And so, you begin to tell them about the place your family drifted away from up the river, of its safety, happiness, and its peaceful, cultured lifestyle.

As you attempt to communicate, the people of the new land sneer at the description of your supposedly idyllic community from up the river.  They manage to communicate to you that, either the place never existed, or else it is so far out of step with reality that surely no one really wants to put their head into the sand and return to such a hokey place.  A world such as that is, in fact, no better than this present life.  This is the REAL world, they explain to you.

And while your heart tells you that you really do want to return, you convince yourself of the difficulty, or perhaps even the impossibility, of such a journey.  Eventually, you begin to apply the new definitions to the old terms, and life becomes tolerable, and maybe even okay.  You don’t notice the hard edge your life begins to take, because everyone has that edge.  And so you, your spouse, and children live downriver, and can’t quite remember what life used to be like, upriver, in the peaceful land.  You don’t quite remember the reality of peace, contentment, and goodness, or even what the words really meant up there.

Remember the peaceful land.  It does exist!  Don’t ever give up trying to return there.  Don’t let your children grow up downriver.  Don’t spend your one life in the lowlands.  Take your beloved by the hand, pick up your children, and start the journey back.

“Seek the Lord while He may be found.”
Isaiah 55:6

While He may be found…while He…

While it is called today, I will…
…Love the sunrise that gives promise.
…Appreciate the mercy that is new every morning.
…Love my wife as I will wish I had someday.
…Bite back the harsh comments that only prove the falseness of my superiority.
…Keep my promises, both the ones made today, and those made many years ago.
…Listen, for a change.
…Speak the truth in love, not for love of myself, but for the benefit of those I love.
…Honor my marriage vows, both in action and thought.
…Lose my self-pity, and quit making excuses for myself.
…Surrender to the life and love of Christ He desires to form in me.
…Refuse to Lord over my family; those God has put in my care and responsibility.
…Attempt to live without regret, and do it step-by-step, choice-by-choice.
…Respond to the love of God, which desires to get to others through me as the conduit.
…Love the challenges of interacting in an understanding, patient way with my beloved.
…Pursue the mind and heart of God, allowing him to reshape my being, inside and out.
…Be forgiving, and forgiven.
…Laugh at the foolishness of my own wisdom, and seek God’s true counsel.
…Be the husband that Ward Cleaver appeared to be!
… Quit expecting my wife to be perfect.
…Let go of the past.
…Be excited about the future.
…Give the future to God.
…Live for today.
…Make the most of each passing moment…

…While it is called today.

“Create in me a clean heart, oh God…”

Life is messy.  Life’s road is not clear, nor clean.   We get messy ourselves, and more than a little dirty in traveling the road of life.  This is true not only of you, but of those you travel with.  Your spouse is traveling the same road you are.  So don’t be surprised if they get a little bit dusty, just like you.

Why is it that, what we see and excuse in ourselves, we see and condemn in others?  It’s sad, and it is inconsistent, but it is nonetheless true.  The things you don’t like about your spouse may be as much a reflection of yourself in them as of some failing they have in themselves.  I heard it said once, and find it to be all too true, that the problem with most of us is that we are like the rest of us.

The source of a good marital relationship is not the fixing of your spouse.  Neither is it found in the good advice you give them.  The source of a good marriage is found in the mirror.  Looking into the mirror of God’s word, and letting it’s truth reflect into your life, is the beginning of how you “fix” your spouse, or your marriage (If you think either of them need fixing).  This week’s verse tells me the truth of how things need fixing.  The creative touch of God on my life restores the vibrancy of holiness (as opposed to “holier than thou).  God’s renewing work truly makes me a new man.  I can’t worry about “fixing” my spouse, because this verse tells us God does the “fixing”, not us.  Let God fix you, and then you can pray (without sarcasm) that God will do the same for your beloved.